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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Loss of Sleep

I read somewhere that parents lose about 46,000 hours of sleep during the years of raising their kids. This week I reached 42,000. That same depressing article said that it's not possible to "make up" hours of sleep. Not that I have a chance anyway, since my body refuses to relax enough to take a nap. This culmination of sleep deprivation seems to hit me some weeks harder than others and this is one week that I feel it. I'm still going to work, (although I went in at the wrong time) I'm still feeding my family (take out pizza) and the house isn't a disaster (but there are moldy clothes in the washer).

I can tell something is off when I don't want to see anyone and I don't make something or spray paint something.

Yesterday at work, I found a stranger's blog while on hold with an electric company. That was a bad move because I got sucked in. Her 14 month baby had a swimming fatality and I started to cry, sitting in my cubical, listening to the hold music. As soon as I got off work, I ran out sobbing all the way to my car. Three minutes later I was home with my arms around my 14 month baby. Feeling her soft skin, touching her silky hair. I can't imagine if this was the last day to feel her little hands around my neck. I can't imagine losing her.

Later that night she screamed about going to bed and I couldn't take it for very long. I kept thinking how that other mother would have swooped up her baby girl if only she had a chance. I brought her down with us and Kaylee sang and read books as we watched the presidential debate. The debate left me feeling overwhelmed and sad about the state of my beloved country. I want to become more aware of the issues, but MAN! I wish I had just gone to bed.

The US has 10 TRILLION dollars in debt?
Social Security is still the same old problem?
Health Care just gets worse and worse?

I had a sick feeling in my stomach by the end and I honestly don't think either candidate will be able to make much progress in 4 years. I think both are brave for wanting to lead our country at such a terrible time in history. I'm not interested in that job. But again, I've lost 42,001 hours of sleep to date and just about everything makes me cry.



bloggin' Chrystal said...

I hear your sleep deprivation...I hear your cry for our country. Thanks for sharing. You are not alone! I also watched the debate as I held my 4 year old in my arms knowing he needed to be in bed as well as myself!

Ronda said...

You say it so well AJ.
I feel the same way.
As a side note, I was always crying at the littlest things, and arguing with D.R. about silly things. I asked my doc to put me on Yaz (I think I have PMDD). He did, and I am totally even keeled, no arguments, no crying, it's a miracle!
Just an FYI.


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